Twilight: So what you’re saying is, I’m your brand of heroin? (Bella)

New Moon: Could you… well, try to not be a… werewolf? (Bella)

Eclipse: You could kiss me, for example. I don’t mind if you want to use me to experiment. (Jacob)

Breaking Dawn: You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster? (Bella)

Twilight: This truck is old enough to be your car’s grandfather-have some respect. (Bella)

New Moon: Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from? (Bella)

Eclipse: I punched a werewolf in the face. (Bella)

Breaking Dawn: You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair. (Rosalie)

Twilight: I promise to try to be safe. I’ll do the laundry tonight-that ought to be fraught with peril. (Bella)

New Moon: Bears don’t want to eat people. We don’t taste that good. Of course, you might be an exception. I bet you’d taste good. (Jacob)

Eclipse: And your chocolate fur reflects what? How sweet you are? (Sam)

Breaking Dawn: I’m not a bloodsucker, so maybe I’m missing something, but Charlie seems like kind of a strange choice for her first meal. (Jacob)

Twilight: I hear voices in my mind and you’re worried you’re the freak. (Edward)

New Moon: Why are you apologizing for bleeding? (Jacob)

Eclipse: Does my being half-naked bother you? (Jacob)

Breaking Dawn: It had once probably been a big mixing bowl, but she’d bent the bowl back in on itself until it was shaped almost exactly like a dog dish. I had to be impressed with her quick craftsmanship. And her attention to detail. She’d scratched the word Fido into the side. Excellent handwriting. (Jacob)

Twilight: Do I dazzle you? (Edward)

New Moon: Here’s to responsibility. Twice a week. (Jacob)

Eclipse: If we had happy endings, we’d all be under gravestones now. (Rosalie)

Breaking Dawn: So, who’s going to catch me a grizzly bear? (Bella)

Twilight: Stupid, unreliable vampire. (Bella)

New Moon: Many of the words they used were unfamiliar to me, and I figured I’d have to have a Y chromosome to really understand the excitement. (Bella)

Eclipse: I’m a pro at weird. (Bella)

Breaking Dawn: Over my pile of ashes. (Rosalie)

Twilight: I don’t think a tank could take out that old monster. (Jacob)

New Moon: Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body? (Bella)

Eclipse: Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV. (Jacob)

Breaking Dawn: I didn’t want to kill girls… even vampire girls. Though I might make an exception for that blonde. (Jacob)

Twilight: Honestly-I’ve seen corpses with better color. I was concerned that I might have to avenge your murder. (Edward)

New Moon: Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut — that hardly deserves the death penalty. (Edward)

Eclipse: The fortune-telling bloodsucker can’t see us? Seriously? That’s excellent! (Jacob)

Breaking Dawn: I’m a little worried about Edward… Can vampires go into shock? (Bella)

Twilight: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…What a stupid lamb. What a sick, masochistic lion. (Edward, Bella)

New Moon: When I dreamed, I stood in the forest again, but I didn’t wander. I was holding Emily’s scarred hand as we faced into the shadows and waited anxiously for our werewolves to come home. (Bella)

Eclipse: I just beheaded and dismembered a sentient creature not twenty yards from you. That doesn’t bother you? (Edward)

Breaking Dawn: Goodbye, Jacob, my brother… my son. (Edward)

Twilight: What if I’m not a superhero? What if I’m the bad guy? (Edward)

New Moon: Reckless in Forks—now there was a hopeless proposition. (Bella)

Eclipse: Sorry. I don’t have any leeches on my speed dial. (Jacob)

Breaking Dawn: Why am I covered in feathers? (Bella)

Twilight: Stupid, shiny Volvo owner. (Bella)

New Moon: Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm — into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires. (Bella)

Eclipse: If we could bottle your luck, we’d have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands. (Edward)

Breaking Dawn: You’d think I was shoving bamboo splinters under your nails. (Alice)

Twilight: So did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? I’ve never seen him act like that. (Mike)

New Moon: Well, Gran, you might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. It’s just something he does in the sun. Don’t worry about it… (Bella)

Eclipse: You and Billy gossip like old women. (Bella)

Breaking Dawn: Wait till he hangs his gun up! (Bella)